Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize