the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
