you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
