Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
