I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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