I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
