I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
