i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
