it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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