Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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