we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
