i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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