i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
