We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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