If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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