I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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