i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
