you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
