Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
