Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
