Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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