I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
two words...techno handjob
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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