I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
