im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
