He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
