Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You smell like stripper and shame
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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