I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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