since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize