u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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