the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
