You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my sisters under your porch take her home
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
