i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
