Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
