We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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