come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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