What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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