Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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