I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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