girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
