I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
