so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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