Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
