what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
