I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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