Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
