My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize