My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize