he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
