The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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