College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
