Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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