Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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