am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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