did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
