do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
