My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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