There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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