i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
