My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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