I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
