What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
