dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
