Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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