Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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