I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
