After last night, I could never be a politician.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize