If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
