just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
